“Late Night With Seth Meyers” returned from a summer time hiatus on Monday evening and the host gave a succinct and hilarious recap of every thing that occurred whereas the present was on a break throughout NBC’s Olympics protection.
“I haven’t paid attention to the news for three weeks,” Meyers instructed his viewers to open the present. “So I’m just going to read off the cue cards real quick to catch up on what I missed.”
Take a breath and luxuriate in.
Biden obtained Covid. Trump claimed Biden by no means had Covid, and it was only a ruse to drop out of the race. Republicans complain that Harris tried to ban plastic straws and referred to as her a DEI rent. Trump referred to as her “Laughing Kamala,” then “Lying Kamala,” then “Kamabla.”
Republicans referred to as her the “border czar” although she wasn’t, and that is not a factor.
Trump stated he may bomb Mexico.
JD Vance grew to become the primary VP in a long time to have a web adverse favorability ranking after he referred to as Democrats “childless cat ladies.” Received slammed by Jennifer Aniston, and was accused of fucking a sofa—WHICH HE DID NOT DO. Apparently, it was simply “hand stuff.”
Vance stated Democrats would name him racist for consuming Weight loss plan Mountain Dew. Vance wrote the foreword to a guide by the Mission 2025 man, whereas claiming he had nothing to do with Mission 2025.
Tim Walz referred to as Republicans “weird” and stated It is “Brat Summer.” Trump responded by calling Hannibal Lecter a “lovely man.”
Ted Cruz stated Kamala cannot have his cheeseburgers.
Trump instructed Christians they will not need to vote anymore if he wins.
[To stage hand holding cue cards] Wally, what number of extra playing cards are there?
Wally: We’re nonetheless in July.
Meyers: Fuck me! 190,000 folks joined the “White Dudes for Kamala” on-line occasion that raised over $4 million {dollars}. We discovered Colin Jost is simply too fragile to be open air. A Fox Information host stated voting for a girl turns you into a lady.
“Closer Look” author Sal Gentile threw out the primary pitch at a Mets recreation, which is not newsworthy and should not be in right here.
Trump had a humiliating meltdown on the Nationwide Affiliation of Black Journalists, the place he attacked the moderator, obtained laughed at by the viewers, and claimed, amongst different issues, that Harris occurred to show Black, which is each racist and insane.
Trump stated VP candidates do not matter after everybody made enjoyable of his VP candidate.
Congratulated Vladimir Putin on a prisoner swap that secured the discharge of American hostages.
The Washington Submit reported that Trump was investigated for allegedly taking $10 million from Egypt till it was shut down by his lawyer common. Harris picked Walz as her operating mate. Walz joked about Vance fucking a sofa—WHICH HE DID NOT DO, every thing was over cushion.
Republicans referred to as Walz “Tampon Tim,” tried to swift boat him with lies about his service file, and stated he was the “Bernie Sanders of Congress,” although there may be already a Bernie Sanders in Congress famously named Bernie Sanders.
Vance held a rally the place the stage was so shoddy it appeared like he was campaigning for Kamala.
Trump held a deranged press convention, the place he invented a brand new theme park referred to as Transgender World and claimed his crowd on January sixth was larger than Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. He instructed a narrative about being in a helicopter that nearly crashed, with former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown.
Then, Brown stated that by no means occurred. Then, it turned out Trump is complicated Brown with another person.
The Trump marketing campaign obtained hacked.
Harris overtook Trump on the polls.
The New York Instances referred to as it the worst three weeks of Trump’s marketing campaign. Trump slinked again to Twitter for an interview with Elon Musk. He descended additional into insanity by claiming Kamala’s crowd in Detroit was AI, and that the folks on the rally did not really exist.
